Jeffrey Campbell tan shoes

We all know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but we think we might have discovered the recipe to make a truly ugly pair of high heels. To get started you will need some tan leather and some clear plastic lucite material of the kind usually seen on cheap, stripper heels. Assemble them incongruously, slap on a crazy prize tag and you’re done.

We’ve found two examples of this recipe being used to good effect and in both cases, the offender is the Jeffrey Campbell brand. For their troubles we’re awarding the Jeffrey Campbell design team first and second prize for producing the ugliest high heels of 2012. Quite some achievement.

Jeffrey Campbell Zaudrey

Which is worse is a close run thing, but we think the 6 inch Zaudrey pump (above) scoops the prize. The silly name of this shoe is probably the best thing about it. Meanwhile its distinctly amateur looking platform could be mistaken for something a child made in woodwork class and is as crass and unharmonious as a string of bum notes on a piano. Add the tacky-looking jagged edges and the sweat-inducing lucite inner and it is difficult to go past this platform as the worst high heel shoe of 2012. And, although it may look cheap it isn’t; if the Jeffrey Campbell Zaudrey floats your boat you can pick it up from Nordstrom for $244.95.

Jeffrey Campbell clear boots

Second prize goes to these Jeffrey Campbell lucite platform boots. Aren’t they just hideous? They look like gumboots for ladies of the night, and not even dainty ones at that. The awful, clumsy stripe down the centre of the front of the heel will at least hopefully detract from the sweaty feet that can be seen from all angles in these shoes. They say “Looks killer paired with absolutely anything!” We say “only with the lights off.” If these 5 inch lucite boots take your fancy, they’re available from Nasty Gal for $198. And, believe it or not, they’ve nearly sold out.

Jeffrey Campbell boots